My third confession is that I’ve judged my husband.
(What? Judge not that you be not judged?)
I’m married to a hard worker, a wise parent, a dedicated Christ-follower, and a caring, sensitive husband.
And for the record, I’ve read tons of marriage books, I’ve learned about the pivotal issues of love and respect, and I’ve enjoyed a wonderful marriage for fourteen-and-one-half years.
Yet, in my heart of hearts… how much I’ve judged.
When he’s working too hard — He’s becoming a workaholic.
When he relaxes on the couch — Doesn’t he care about all the work I have left?
When I need parenting help — I wish he would handle this.
When he steps in to handle something — That is NOT the right approach for this situation.
When there’s not time for family devotions — He just doesn’t see the spiritual needs in our family like I do.
When he creates a routine for family devotions — Why does he have to be so rigid?
Oh yes, from my lofty vantage point, I have [mis]judged him to be selfish, uncaring, and decidedly less spiritual.
Well, God dropped a book in my lap last week that I now highly recommend — What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You by David Murrow.
And… Wow.
I’ve gained a profound understanding of the why’s… the working, the parenting, and the spiritual leadership, just to name a few.
I look back (at um, a few days ago) and am horrified that my goal has so often been to conform my husband to my “godly,” feminine way of life.
The God-given instincts to protect and provide, the differences in the male brain, the changes in society, especially since the Industrial Revolution, and the way we Western Christians “do church” provide significant answers to the great mysteries (and in the female mind, the CRIMES) of men.
I am truly grateful for fresh insight into the various aspects of my husband (and sons), but even if I hadn’t been provided with the results of such incredible study, I would have been accountable for my judgmental heart. Some other profound words have been around for quite a while…
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Maybe you can relate. Will you pray with me?
Jesus, I’m sorry for my own self-righteousness. I’m sorry I’ve so often assumed the worst about the incredible husband you gave me. Thank you for creating him in your image — for creating him to be so different than me. Help me to honor and respect him, to understand him better, and to love him – not puffing myself up, not assuming evil, but bearing all things, believing all things, and hoping all things. I admit again how much I need YOU to change my heart. In Jesus’ name, Amen
*Don’t forget to check out David Murrow’s book. Maybe you can add it to your Christmas list! I promise you will learn something you’ve never learned before!
But before you do, let me know… what are you learning these days about loving, respecting and believing the best about your husband?
Tagged: judging my husband, love and respect, marriage, what your husband isn't telling you
take courage 
Last week, the night before a medical procedure for me and Ed leaving town for a job interview, our church elders came to our home to pray for us. This was a huge blessing and during the course of discussion and prayer, I was “unintentionally” made aware of the amount of stress my husband was carrying on his shoulders. I was ashamed and flabbergasted at how blind I had been to Ed’s need for prayer being the jobless head of our household and caregiver for his cancerous wife! My faithful, loving, goes-in-with-both-guns-blazing-for-his-wife husband would never burden me with the extent of his burdens. Wow . . . that night was a huge eye-opener for me and I pray more earnestly for my champion now. I thank God for this crucial revelation.
One of my favorite “wife-ing” studies is “Motivating Your Man God’s Way” by Dr Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs. This was a life-changing study for my relationship with Ed. I look forward to reading “What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You” to further bless our marriage!
Thanks for you continued ministry to the saints.
Love,
Rene’
Thank you so much, Rene’! Praying God’s blessing on you both this Christmas. You are both carrying heavy burdens with such grace. Thanks for your beautiful perspective!